To Be Free
by thealphatribute
Summary: Deleted Scene from 4x11. Ian remembers the last 12 hours wondering how everything got so fucked up.


Deleted Scene from 4x11. Ian remembers the last 12 hours wondering how everything got so fucked up.

"_Do you love Mickey?" Carl asked looking up at Ian with a serious expression. _

_Ian paused as he lowered himself back to the ground contemplating the question that he'd basically always known the answer too, but never had admitted out loud. "I like how he smells." He thought that would do, vaguely remembering Lip saying something about pheromones in a different lifetime. _

As Ian and Mickey stumbled back to the Gallagher house, Ian almost laughed thinking that this morning his biggest problem had been whether or not Mickey thought they were a couple or not. Granted, he was getting tired about hiding, but he had never expected the night to end like this. His ribs hurt when he took a breath and he could feel the blood caking on his skin. He looked down at the brunette next to him and sighed deeply. Mickey was stumbling more than he was and his face was at least twice as bashed in. What had he done?

"_I just want everyone here to know I'm fucking gay." Mickey punctuated his words with harsh arm gestures, as Ian stood frozen in the doorway. Literally all he had ever wanted was happening and he couldn't move. He could feel his mouth hanging open, but couldn't bring himself to close it as he stared at the man he undoubtedly loved. _

"_You happy now?" _

They finally made it to the Gallagher home and were trying to make it up the few steps to the front door. Ian had his arm wrapped around Mickey's waist to try to steady him more, but he mainly just wanted an excuse to keep touching him. He was surprised Mickey was allowing it, but he also didn't think Mickey was in the best state of mind right now.

They made it to the door and Ian pushed it open, using more energy than he should've causing the door to slam a little against the sidewall. Fiona, Lip, and Veronica were all sitting in the living room laughing when they turned to look at the door. Fiona's eyes widened, Lip jumped up from the couch, and Veronica rushed out the door and was back before anyone could question anyone with her "medical" bag in hand.

"What the hell happened to you two?" Fi asked as Lip helped Ian get Mickey to the couch.

"Fight at the Alibi," Ian shrugged as he collapsed next to Mickey on the couch.

"Weren't you at a christening reception?" Lip asked as his eyes flicked between Ian and Mickey as Vee started rummaging through her bag.

"Terry was there," was all Ian managed to say as Veronica started dabbing alcohol on Mickey's face. He didn't know whether Mickey was flinching at the sound of his father's name or the alcohol seeping into the cuts on his face.

"The fuck did you do to him?" Lip asked starting to sit in the chair by the couch.

"I came out," Mickey muttered through his broken lip.

"_So you really came out, huh?" Ian asked, as he looked at Mickey the awe still evident on his face. He reached out for the flask as Mickey handed it back to him. _

"_Doesn't mean I'm gonna wear a fucking dress or anything," Mickey said not looking directly at Ian. _

"_Nobody fuckin' asked you too," Ian paused smiling a little to himself. His eyes scanned Mickey's body quickly, "though you do have really nice legs." _

"_You're a fucking dick," Mickey smiled at him as Ian laughed sending a shooting pain through his ribs. "There. That's what you get." _

"You what?" Fi and Vee stopped what they were doing and just looked between each other and the two broken boys on the couch.

"You heard him," Ian said as he rested his head against the back of the couch trying not to groan in pain. The adrenaline from the fight was wearing off and he was starting to realize he was worse off then he thought.

Vee finished attempting to clean up Mickey's face and then she was dabbing an alcohol swab over Ian's cuts. He tried to smile appreciatively at her, but he couldn't manage it properly. He could feel whatever was wrong with him pulsing more inside of him than on most days, but he kept it to himself like he had been trying to do over the past few weeks since he'd been home. He knew everyone could tell something was up with him, but no one was asking questions and he wasn't going to be giving any answers.

As Vee finished cleaning him up, he glanced over at Mickey who looked like he was about to pass out.

"We're gonna go up to bed," Ian said as he pushed himself off the couch. Fiona gave him a hug he could tell she had wanted to give him since he walked in. He flinched at the impact on his ribs, but smiled at her anyway. He held out his hand toward Mickey whose gaze flitted around to everyone before he groaned in pain and took Ian's hand.

Mickey was almost standing when Lip cleared his throat. "Um, I was thinking about crashing in your bed tonight. Didn't know if you were coming home. I can also watch Liam better than you, sleeping beauty. So if you guys wanted to…you could take my bed…you know, just for the night."

Ian was staring at his brother wide-eyed. He knew that Lip wasn't exactly Mickey's biggest fan.

"Just don't like fuck in it or whatever," Lip said as he turned around and headed to the kitchen.

Ian smiled after him and then looked down at the brunette man beside him who was moments from falling over. He wrapped his arm around Mickey's waist again and said goodnight to everyone as they made their way up the stairs.

"_The fuck are you talking about?" Mickey was walking toward him, he could feel it, so he turned around, but didn't face him directly. _

"_I don't have any interest in being a mistress anymore," Ian said watching him. He didn't want to let him go, but whatever was happening inside him was only made stronger by the rejection he felt at being forced to hide his feelings. _

Ian opened the door to Lip's room, remembering to thank him later. He helped Mickey take off his shirt leaving him in a white tank top. He helped him lie down.

"I'll be right back, Mick," Ian said as he walked over to the door. He heard Mickey mumble something as he turned off the light closed the door behind him.

Ian walked to the bathroom and closed that door behind him too. He turned the faucet on to run cold water that he splashed over his face. As he looked into the mirror, he once again wondered what he had done. He hadn't wanted to get Mickey hurt. He just wanted Mickey. Mickey to himself not shared with that whore. He wondered if he had forced him to come out. If he had bullied him. He felt the sting of tears behind his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the hallway and made his way back to Lip's room.

Once inside, he unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it throwing it on the floor. He undid his pants and stepped out of them, and then he climbed under the covers next to Mickey who seemed to be asleep.

Ian was lying flat on his back staring up at the ceiling thinking about all that had happened in the last few hours, when he felt Mickey roll over and scoot closer to him. He immediately threw his arm out to the side to act as a pillow for Mickey's head as the older boy fitted himself to Ian's side.

Ian assumed that Mickey was still asleep, but a few minutes later he felt a slight tremble and a stifled murmur.

"Mick?" Ian asked looking down at the man in his arms. The other boy looked up at him and Ian could see the tears in his eyes. He couldn't remember if he'd ever seen Mickey cry. "Did I do this? Is this my fault?" Ian asked just above a whisper.

Mickey started a little and stopped whimpering. "What?"

"Like, I don't know, did I force you to do this? Like was I being too much of a dick?"

"Ian…this isn't your fault. I mean yeah you may have been a little forceful, but I'm the dick. I shouldn't have been stringing you along thinking that you'd always be fine just hiding in the fucking shadows," Mickey stared right into Ian's green eyes, as he said this never faltering.

"_Because you're not free," Ian said staring at Mickey intensely. _

"_Ian, what you and I have makes me free." _

"I meant what I said. What you and I have makes me free, but you were also right. I wasn't free. Hiding behind my wife waiting for my dad to accept me for who I am was never going to happen. I don't need acceptance from him anyway."

"But…"

"No, Ian. None of this is your fault. You helped me. And you're all I need." Ian hugged Mickey closer to him as he said this, placing another kiss to the top of his head.

Mickey fell asleep minutes after they stopped talking.

"_Is Mickey your boyfriend?" Carl asked him as he walked out of their room. Yes. No. I don't have a fucking idea. _

"_We hang out," Ian tried to play it off as cool, but he wanted to know just as much as Carl did. _

"_He's in your bed," Carl hit him gently against his stomach. Yes he is. _

"_His family's a nightmare…" _

Little did Ian know how true those words would be just a few hours later. As he looked at the sleeping man, boy, in his arms, he held him tighter wishing he could do more to protect his boyfriend from his nightmare of a family.


End file.
